my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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