...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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