I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
