I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
