Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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