Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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