Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
