I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
