i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
