Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Randomize
