She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
