I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
