I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
