I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
