OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
