Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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