You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
