U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Yo dont text me then not text me
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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