There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
