the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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