apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
