Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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