drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
