I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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