apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
