Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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