But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
