You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
