So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
