Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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