i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
