You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
