His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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