It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
