I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
