He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
