Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
