Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
