I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
