Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
