i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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