I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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