sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
3pm strippers are depressing
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize