I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
