i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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