i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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