I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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