I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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