he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
