I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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