I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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