So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I need moral support for this bender
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
