I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
