We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
