I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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